The Kings of Summer-Movie Review

The Kings of Summer (formerly Toy's House) first premiered at Sundance Film Festival back in January, and left with raving reviews. Until this week, it held a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is pretty good I guess.

When I got invited to the screening I was a little unsure of if it. I didn't know much about it, and when the trailer I viewed gave little away to what it was about, I had my doubts on all the hype. I didn't even want to see it. I nearly skipped the screening. But thank god I didn't. I ended up walking out of the theater having seen the best film that has been released this year.

The Kings of Summer is about two young teens, Joe and Patrick who are tired of their nagging parents and feeling trapped inside their houses. They decide to escape into the forest to build their own house to live in. A boy they meet at a party who's family history is a little foggy named Biaggio, tags along for the adventure.

Without a great lead, a film will collapse. This had plenty of collapse potential, when the main character casted was Nick Robinson. However, quickly into the film I was proved wrong. He owned this role as Joe Toy. The dynamic he holds with his asshole father, played by Nick Offerman, was done to perfection. He was outstanding. Gabriel Basso plays his best friend Patrick, and the first thing I will say is the toughness and the challenge of his performance can easily go unnoticed. His parents are played by comic geniuses. Megan Mullaly and Marc Evan Jackson were beyond hilarious. If they had more screen time, they would be the funniest part of this film (Biaggio wins that round). To act off of their lines and actions would be so tough to do, and the sarcasm and emotions that Gabriel Basso uses are done so perfectly.

I've already done a full write-up on the brilliant awkwardness of Moises Arias and his character Biaggio, so I won't touch on his character as much as I probably should. Just know that every time he is on the screen, something amazing or something hilarious will happen. The funniest parts of the film are with him in it, for sure. And as I said before, he broke out of his shell with this role. This guy has a lot of comedic talent as well as dramatic talent, and I'm excited about the future of his career.

The soundtrack is worth a mention as well. Guster frontman Ryan Miller laid down a perfect score that hit the tone on the head. I love Guster, so when I found out he scored this film, I expected nothing better.

Jordan Vogt-Roberts directed the hell out of this movie. This movie could have been very easy to screw up. It really needed the perfect cast, direction, writing, and just about everything production wise to work. Comedy films are so easy to mess up, too. Jokes can so easily fall flat. In this movie, every joke hits. He was the perfect guy for this job and a lot of the credit for how great this movie is goes to Vogt-Roberts. I think this is one of the best young directors in the game right now, and I will certainly look forward to his future projects.

I loved this film. I encourage everyone to go see it. It was the hardest I've laughed in a comedy in a long time, which is certainly the goal of the genre. There were few minor issues in it, but it doesn't detract from the overall film.

The Kings of Summer gets a 4.75/5. It's hilarious, it's dramatic, and it's a nearly perfect movie.

The Kings of Summer will be in theaters in limited release on May 31st. Rated R for language and some teen drinking. Run Time 93 minutes. You can follow Will Harmon on Twitter at @willharmon8

Top 10 Movie Trilogies of All-Time

With the summer kicking off with 2 films in 3 weeks completing their trilogies, Iron Man and The Hangover, I decided it'd be best to rank the best trilogies of all-time. This was incredibly hard to find 10 really great trilogies. So many times there is a forced film (Hangover) that doesn't need to be made, ruining the entire trilogy. It also is hard that some great trilogies added 4th, 5th, etc. There just aren't very many trilogies out there, and aren't nearly enough good ones. That would explain some of the randomness that will ensue on this top 10 list.

For some guidelines, Indiana Jones doesn't count as a trilogy because unfortunately the 4th film exists. We can pretend it never happened, but that wouldn't qualify it as a trilogy. Pirates of the Caribbean doesn't count, even though the 4th film was completely different from the rest. There may be films that will eventually have a 4th, but as they stand now, they are trilogies. I am grading them by trilogies as a whole, and not by which individual film in the trilogy was the best. No honrable mentions here, because some of the trilogies in the top 10 shouldn't really be mentioned in a "Best of All Time" list, but whatever. Without further ado, as always in reverse order: The Top 10 Movie Trilogies of all time.

10) Sam Raimi's Spider-Man: Spider-Man (2002), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Spider-Man was so impactful to what ended up becoming the decade of the "superhero" genre. Raimi's first two Spider-Man movies were awesome, particularly Spider-Man 2. There are some incredible action scenes that were a little before its time. If he was releasing this trilogy modern day, I think they'd be so much better than they already are. This trilogy is much lower due to the fact that Spider-Man 3 was a disaster. Spider-Man 3 had its own problems, the biggest one being a) that there were 3 villains which is way too many and b) Tobey Macguire dancing. There were so many villains and it was such a mess that by the end of the movie, you don't really care that Harry dies, or that Venom and the Sandman are defeated too. Thomas Haden Church as the Sandman was the best thing about this movie, though. And then the Peter Parker dancing scenes. I don't even want to get started on that.


9) Ocean's Trilogy: Ocean's Eleven (2001), Ocean's Twelve (2004), Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
With an asterisk, these were the first Avengers movies. What I mean by that, is that the ensemble cast put together has never been seen before, and will not be seen again. The fact that Clooney and Pitt were not just in one movie, but 3 movies together is just legendary. Eleven and Thirteen were great. My personal favorite was Thirteen but it goes back and forth every time I watch them. I've only seen Twelve twice. And that is where that will stay. There was nothing happening, the heist wasn't as clever as the first and third heists, but the cast is so fun to watch. Also, flying under the radar as a comic actor was Ben's little brother Casey Affleck. He was so funny, especially in the third one, that he's worth a mention. The dynamic between Pitt, Damon, and Clooney is so perfect and hilarious. Any time they are on screen together it's assured to be golden moments. That's the thing with this trilogy-you can tell these guys were having fun shooting this.


8) Iron Man Trilogy: Iron Man (2008), Iron Man 2 (2010), Iron Man 3 (2013)
This was the hardest one to rank. Iron Man was so important to what the Avengers came to be. If Iron Man 1 or 2 sucked, there would be no Avengers. Or there would, and it wouldn't be as amazing as it ended up being. It's also tough because Iron Man 2 was mostly a lead up to the Avengers, and Iron Man 3 was a sequel to the Avengers. They didn't plan it that way, it's how it just ended up being. I rank the Iron Man's as getting worse as they go along. I had a ton of problems with Iron Man 3, little of which involved the Mandarin. I just wasn't a big fan, Iron Man 2 was better than people made it out to be, and Iron Man 1 is just awesome.


7) Bourne Trilogy: Bourne Identity (2002), Bourne Supremacy (2004), Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
I'll start off with this. Bourne Legacy does not count. It was a spin-off. It had none of the same cast. They acknowledge what Bourne was and did, it was simply a different corporation than Treadstone. It was it's own thing. With that said, rarely in a trilogy of any kind is the 3rd film the best one. But the Bourne Ultimatum was the best, and by far the most intriguing. Supremacy got a little boring at times and the story focusing on Marie hurt its overall appeal, but it was necessary to move the story along. This trilogy is the first trilogy ranked where there wasn't a bad film in it, which again, is due to the fact that there just aren't very many good trilogies out there.

6) Three Flavours Cornetto: Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007), The World's End (2013)
At first I felt bad about including a trilogy that has an unreleased film in it, as well as the fact it's not a

true trilogy. But then I didn't feel bad at all. They were going to be listed as an honorable mention until I realized that it is really hard to find good trilogies that I enjoyed. They're deserving of this list. The Three Flavours Cornetto is the trio of Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. These guys are hilarious. Not only that, but they make some really good films. Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead are not only funny, but they're shot, edited, and written so well that they were included in this Top 10 list. I'm a huge fan of their first two films, and from what I'm hearing, The World's End is going to fit in very nicely.

5) Star Wars Original Trilogy: A New Hope (IV, 1977), The Empire Strikes Back (V, 1980), Return of the Jedi (VI, 1983)
The top 5 is where the heavy hitters start coming into play. Star Wars changed the game. It was so ahead of its time and the story was so brilliant and everything was perfectly executed. All of them are great, but I would rank them 1) Empire 2) New Hope 3) Jedi, since for whatever reason everyone is always asking you to rank your favorite Star Wars. Seriously though, it's more than any film series ever. People just really care about this series, and I guess that's part of what makes it so great. And that's part of why the prequel trilogy pissed so many people off (personally Revenge of the Sith was the only one worth watching, and if Phantom Menace was about 45 minutes shorter you could talk me into that). Everyone always wants this series to be remade-it shouldn't. But if it were, it's in the right hands right now with JJ Abrams at the helm.

4) Godfather Trilogy: The Godfather (1972), The Godfather Part II (1974), The Godfather Part III (1990)
I mean what else is there to say. The first two are two of the best movies of all time. I wish that I could say the same about Part III, which is still very much enjoyable. It's just that the first two Godfather's were so incredible. It changes you. I can never pick which one I liked better, the first or the second. I just can't. They both are examples of perfect film making. These are movies that should never be touched ever again, and I'm worried that within the next 20 years someone will try to. These films are too perfectly crafted to be ruined. The fail rate of remaking these films is 100%. It can't and should not be done. Anyone who's seen these films understands. There isn't much more I can say. Truly brilliant.

3) Toy Story Trilogy: Toy Story (1995), Toy Story 2 (1999), Toy Story 3 (2010)
Do I feel terrible that an animated series about toys that talk is above the Godfather? I don't. And

there was not any hesitation when doing so. I love these movies. All three of these films are perfect. It cannot be endorsed more. These movies are Pixar's bread and butter. They're in their own league, even when comparing them to the other brilliant Pixar movies. They're just not the same. And to do what they did and had the balls to do with the third film was so incredible. To release a film 10 years later, to change up the game. To hope people still cared about these toys. It had to be perfect or it was going to piss people off. The third movie was the only movie I've ever cried in while in the theater. It was the end of an era. I grew up with these toys. When I have kids, I will show them every one of these movies, proudly.

2) The Dark Knight Trilogy: Batman Begins (2005), The Dark Knight (2008), The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

I'm going to start off saying something I've said plenty of times before: Batman Begins doesn't get
nearly enough credit. It is just as good as the other two. I love origin stories and if you haven't watched Begins in a while, go back and watch it. There were so many things that I loved watching. It's fun to see Bruce Wayne become the Batman. Dark Knight is one of the best movies of all time. It gets a spot right up there next to the Godfathers, as well as the three movies coming up in the number 1 spot. Obviously not everyone says what is going to follow, but there are certainly a lot of people out there who say or have said "Heath Ledger only won Best Supporting Actor because he died". Shut up. To this day, I've never seen a performance like that. I don't think I ever will see a performance like that again, either. When Batman evidently gets remade in 10 years, the Joker will always get compared to Ledger's joker. And that's how it should be. Something that is definitely in need of a mention is Hans Zimmer's score. It is so perfect and so moving and so epic. I get so excited just talking about it. And when I heard the Bane chants in the trailer, I knew that Zimmer brought his A game to the Dark Knight Rises as well. The third movie certainly has it's problems and loopholes. My only complaint, is that it wasn't long enough. What I mean by that is-it's already a long movie, yet I felt like there needed to be a little bit more depth. I'm sure there was about 30-45 minutes that are crucial to the plot and story that had to be cut from the film. I loved TDKR. I loved all of these films. Christopher Nolan is the best director in the business right now, and these films are masterpieces.


1) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Fellowship of the Ring (2001), Two Towers (2002), Return of the King (2003)
I went back and forth on 1st and 2nd place for a good 10 minutes. I just couldn't decide. But then I

remember what this series did and the magnitude that it did it. I recently re-watched all three of these movies in anticipation of The Hobbit (which doesn't count towards the trilogy, see it as the original Star Wars to the Prequels). All three of these films are so incredible to watch. All three are perfect. I've never put myself through reading any of the books (which I'm sure are better-books always are), but the story is the best fantasy story out there. The cast was perfect, without any big names. These films would be like if the Denver Nuggets won the Finals for 3 years in a row. No superstars, just good all around chemistry and talent. Viggo Mortensen was perfectly cast as Aragorn. He was awesome. Magneto was awesome as well as everyone's-favorite-character, Gandalf. And the chemistry between Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins is done to perfection. I could go on for so long about this trilogy, which is why it earned the top spot over the Dark Knight series. I will always remember sitting on my couch at age 10 watching the Return of the King sweep the Oscars in 2004. They literally won everything. If Return of the King was nominated for anything, it was a sure thing that its name was going to be read from the envelope. Howard Shore's score is worth a ton of mention. His score to these three movies is basically its own character. Without a good score, these films aren't nearly as good as they are. They're too good. In parts where it's supposed to be boring, it's still exciting and fun to watch. The Lord of the Rings is, without a doubt, the greatest trilogy, hands down, ever made.

You can follow Will Harmon on Twitter at @willharmon8

Half-Baked Idea of the Week: Backyard Bachelor

Welcome to the Half-Baked Idea of the Week. These are innovative ideas that may or may not already exist. Some ideas are more half-baked than others, and some are fully baked ideas. To pay homage to the Bachelorette Season 9 premiere looming tomorrow night, this idea is entitled "Backyard Bachelor".

This idea is incredibly half-baked. It will never happen unless I become a TV producer, which looks doubtful at the moment. However, I love this idea. As a general overview I would describe it as MTV's "The Challenge" meets "Bachelor Pad" meets Fantasy sports managing. The main idea with Backyard Bachelor is that there are 2 bachelor's and not one. As we saw with the terrible NBC show Ready for Love, multiple bachelors can be a problem. However, I think if it's handled correctly, it can be done.

Basics-there are 30 girls in the house. With two bachelors. The premiere episode launches with a free-for-all. Everyone is game. Any girl can talk to either guy and any girl. Much like the first episode of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, it's basically an open house meet and greet. However, at the end of the night, the two Bachelor's pick the 15 girls for their team, Backyard style. It goes back to playing basketball at recess. It develops drama, who gets picked where. It establishes likeability, competitiveness, and raw emotion.

Any guy can pick any girl based off the impressions made at the first cocktail party. If both guys want a girl on their team, her demand increases. It gets interesting. Now, after the first episode, the teams break up and do challenges. Physical, mental, dating games, whatever. The team who wins, gets a party or a "group date". The team who loses, will have to face an elimination. At some point during the show, there will be a cocktail party or an event that has all the teams together. Where the girls will have to use their time wisely. If they have a connection with the other bachelor, they can use the time to try and force a trade.

Trades will happen or be available every two weeks. A bachelor can choose not to change his team if he desires, which would neglect any trade. If there is a girl who ends up not being how the bachelor wanted her to be, or his connection is just stronger with other girls on his team, the bachelor can put her on the trading block. The bachelors can meet up and discuss trades to better the competition, and better their field of women as potential partners.

What Backyard Bachelor would do is it would allow the Bachelors to view how the women interact with other women, how they work together, who steps up to be a leader, who is the most athletic, who's the smartest, etc. It would give the Bachelor a better understanding of how the women's personalities are, rather than just going on unrealistic luxurious dates, which "The Bachelor" does way too much of.

Also, it would impact the way that the teams are designed and picked. A Bachelor doesn't want to assemble a team full of tom-boys, or a team full of smart girls. It would allow for dating a bunch of different types of girls. One of my favorite things about "The Bachelor" is how many different times the bachelor has no idea what kind of girl they want. They always describe their dream girl as "someone who can be my best friend. Someone who I can talk to. Someone who's beautiful on the inside as well as out". Well, no shit you want those things. Everybody does. Rarely ever do you hear a Bachelor say "I'm looking for a nurse or a lawyer. I'm looking for a sports fanatic. I'm looking for a girl who gets along with other girls. I'm looking for someone who would get along with my family. I don't want a trophy wife". Backyard Bachelor is designed to help a Bachelor find his type, as well as a potential partner. Because a guy almost never even knows his own type.

The bachelorette version of Backyard Bachelor would appeal to much more of a male demographic, increasing viewership. Using "The Challenge" as an example, the challenges and eliminations are so entertaining to watch. Easily the best part is watching the jocks out-jock each other. With the bachelorette version, there are 30 different kind of males competing. For example, how perfect would Des's upcoming season of the Bachelorette be for the first season of Backyard Bachelor? Have you seen the bios? These dudes are huge. Plus, there are doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs. There are smarts and athletes. And it would more than make up for what's about to be a terribly boring season of the Bachelorette (though it's not like Sean and Ben really set the bar high).

I'm not saying change the Bachelor. They've found their niche and they have found their success. Don't fix something that's not broken. I'm simply trying to introduce a different, equally as successful dating game that would appeal to the male demographic as well. The drama would be intense for both female and male versions of the show. Getting picked last would deflate a girl's confidence. It would establish class. It would involve so many things that the bachelors would get to evaluate the women on. How they take getting picked in the 7th round as opposed to the 2nd or 1st picks. Are there whiny bitches (there always are). Is someone going to gloat. I'm sure in the male version getting picked 1st overall would make a guy extremely cocky. But, if he takes it with honor and humility, that says something about his character that the bachelorette would be able to see.

Since the idea is half-baked, I haven't fully come up with how the eliminations work, how the games would work-especially if the teams start to get lopsided. You can't even out the teams like The Apprentice does or the Challenge because it is a dating game still. You can't just move a girl to the other team, she's dating the guy! Individual dates with the Bachelors would have to be established somehow. There definitely needs to be more power in the girls hands with team selection. A girl could easily get screwed by getting picked by the wrong bachelor. There are a lot of small elements to the game that could use fixing, but that's why it's a half-baked idea!

You can follow Will Harmon on Twitter at @willharmon8

Making a Case for Sam Rockwell and Moises Arias for Best Supporting Actor 2014

 It's May 24th. It's not even officially summer. I'm salivating at the Oscars already, and it's not for 10 months or so. I have a lot of issues. Yet, I was captivated by two performances this summer already, that by no means will even be mentioned come Oscar season. Which, of course, is a completely normal thing for me to discuss.

The thing with the Best Supporting Actor role is that it's always far and away the most competitive category. Last year, Leonardo Dicaprio didn't even get nominated for his role in Django Unchained, a role in which it wouldn't have surprised me to see him win the category. With that said, often times the indie stars get pushed aside and go unnoticed. I'm here to give them some notice.

I saw a film called Kings of Summer last week, a hilarious film that comes out in limited release on May 31. The undoubted scene stealer? Rico from Hannah Montana. I couldn't believe it. I thought he was going to hurt the overall film, and in part, that's what makes Moises Arias's performance brilliant. Every time this dude was on screen he was cracking jokes. Not only was he cracking jokes, but he was cracking jokes that hit. He was so oddly funny. I don't know how many of his lines were improvisation and how many of his lines were written, but either way he delivers. He knocked this role, Biaggio, out of the park.

The whole film itself is hilarious and is one of my favorite movies I've ever seen, and it was the best movie I've seen this year for sure. In large part, due to the comic relief of Moises Arias. The three main teenage casts were played beautifully and almost effortlessly. It's not that the other two main casts were mediocre, in fact, they were almost as amazing as Arias. The film has it's serious moments, and Arias does a great job adapting to the mood of each individual scene. He's hilarious when appropriate and he's serious when he needs to be. The way he delivers the jokes varies based on the scene as well. He can deliver these weird, calm one liners when necessary, and he can be an awkward spazz, too.

His performance will get no mention come award season, I can guarantee that. The only thing he will get nominated for is some random "Best Newcomer" or "Best Young Actor", along with his co-stars, Nick Robinson and Gabriel Basso. And it truly is unfortunate. His performance deserves some credit. I couldn't think of any other actor in the game right now that can do what he did in Kings of Summer.

Another actor who has been getting pushed aside for most of his career is Sam Rockwell. He is one of the most underrated actors in the game right now. He was one of the only parts of last year's Seven Psychopaths that I enjoyed. He was fantastic, and yet, he didn't get the credit I thought he deserved. And likely, that's how his role from The Way, Way Back will be this year too. I think Rockwell will get some buzz, but with the heavy hitters coming in the fall, I think Rockwell gets squeezed out of the competition.

His role in The Way, Way Back is amazing. He's far and away the best part of the film, though Allison Janney is hilirious as well. She's just not in the film enough to be on the same level as Rockwell. Everybody is comparing Rockwell's role in this film to a role the Bill Murray would have played in the 80s, and while I see the line being drawn, I think he's done his own thing here. He flies through his dialogue at a rapid rate and everything that comes out of this guy's mouth is golden.

Rockwell earns his wings during the dramatic scenes, too. There are two scenes that he delivers wonderfully. There is a scene where Rockwell's character Owen is talking with the main character, Duncan, and the emotion that he says his lines is so genuine. He's easy going and likes to have a good time, and when he realizes Duncan needs someone to talk to, Rockwell turns this switch on and you can tell that Owen truly cares about this kid. I loved this scene, and another scene at the end when Duncan hugs Owen. The way Rockwell shows his emotions just with his eyes, and no dialogue, is enough reason for him to at least have a few mentions come Oscar season.

I could see Rockwell being the weird addition to the Golden Globes that the Globes always seem to have. Not that he's not deserving or anything, just that maybe someone will get snubbed in place of him. I wish I could say the same about Moises Arias, but I just don't realistically see him getting any recognitions during Award Season. It's unfortunate. Their work is flawlessly executed and it's a shame they won't get rewarded for it.

The thing with the acting categories in films is that there is only 5 spots. Someone has to be 6th best, 7th best, and so on. There will be 5 performances that are considered better than Rockwell and Arias this year, there is no doubt about that. I just want to give credit where it is due, when I see a performance that truly moves the audience.

In years to come, Rockwell will get his due. And who knows, maybe his role in the Cannes film 'A Single Shot' that comes out later this year will get him there. He deserves it. As far as for Arias, he's just 19. And honestly, he can do these kind of roles for 10 more years. He will look young for a long time. In fact, in Kings of Summer he looks around 15 years old, which if he's smart, he can use to his advantage for years to come. With his role in Ender's Game coming later this year, too, it's clear that Moises Arias has broken away from his "Disney" label. Which can only help for award seasons to come.

You can follow Will Harmon on Twitter at @willharmon8

Top 10 Actresses Who Should've Been Cast as the Mother in How I Met Your Mother

Season 8 of the hit show 'How I Met Your Mother' wrapped up recently, and with the reveal of the mother causing mixed reactions, I have taken full responsibility for correcting an in-correctable casting error.

Let me make one thing clear. Robin is not the mother. I can't believe how many people out there are so convinced that the mother is Robin, still. They have made it clear from the beginning that it isn't Robin. There are many examples of why she isn't, but I'll address the situation with one main point that will put the Robin-Ted fans to rest. In the Pilot episode, Older Ted says to his children "And that's how I met your Aunt Robin." Why would the kids call Robin "Aunt Robin"? There is no explanation that makes sense whatsoever for that. So just take a rest and I'm sorry to hurt your dreams of a Ted-Robin marriage.

I'm going to start off by saying that it's completely unfair to judge how the mother is going to be when there was simply one line spoken. But with that said I'm going to unjustifiably complain. The problem here, is that Ted has dated some smokeshows in his lifetime. When Cristin Milioti showed up, the first thing I thought of was "Well that's certainly not going to make Victoria, Stella, Zoey, and Robin jealous." Also, she's Rachel Bilson's roommate, who revealed to Ted that everyone was choosing her roommate over her. Um, who would choose Milioti over Bilson? Despite the fact that Bilson's character is a lesbian, I'm calling out the show on that one.

Well it's fair to say I'm not a fan of the casting choice, and I hope that I'm proven wrong during Season 9. Without further ado, here is the Top 10 actresses presented in reverse order that should've been chosen over Cristin Milioti:

Weren't quite worthy of a write up (also known as "Honorable Mention", I suppose)-
Zoey Deschanel (locked into New Girl)
Anne Hathaway (no one likes her)
Ellen Page (too young looking)
 

10) Kristen Bell

Like another name coming up on this list, she's a blonde so she would have to dye her hair to fit the criteria established that the mother has dark hair. Easily solvable. Bell has a working relationship with Jason Segal, so that wouldn't be an issue. Out of all the names on this list, she would be the easiest to get. I don't know how well she would work out with the rest of the cast, but she could be perfect for Ted. I've never really heard a good argument against Kristin Bell as the mother, but clearly there are better options.

 

9) Jennifer Lawrence
I know. It'd be ridiculous. But it would be even more ridiculous to make a Top 10 Actresses list for anything right now and not include her. She's the best in the business. People who want to make the "she's too young" argument clearly didn't see Silver Linings Playbook, in which she played a widow who is experiencing some mental illness and plays a character well beyond her years. She is great. That's all there is. And come on, how great would interviews be with her and Neil Patrick Harris. Any kind of Lawrence interview I'm a fan of, but add NPH in there and you've got yourself a stellar press tour. Obviously this would never work out, but I just didn't want to have to convince myself not to have J-Law on here. She can do anything she wants. 
 
 

8) Amy Ryan
First things first. She's a blonde. I know. Dye her hair brown and get her in. Amy Ryan is one of Hollywood's most underrated actresses. She would be too good not to have. She was amazing in Gone Baby Gone. And as her time on The Office has now ended, she could be on TV again without confusing roles. I'm a huge fan. She would be a much better option for the wife than Milioti. As you can tell, I'm not a fan. And it disappointed me greatly. Anyways. Moving right along.


7) Rooney or Kate Mara
I know this is kind of a cop-out. I put two people for this. I get it. They're sisters. Pick which one you like better and go. The reason why I listed both of them, instead of just one, is because both are locked into projects long term and more than likely would never be able to have the time for How I Met Your Mother anyway. I really enjoy sibling actors because one is usually so much better than the other, and I feel the need to mention that as much as possible (this is not the case with the Mara's). Kate Mara impressed me in the films 127 Hours and Shooter, and then when I binge watched House of Cards, I officially hopped aboard the Kate Mara bandwagon. Rooney would give a better performance, and I could definitely see her as the mother, I just see Kate fitting the character better. Plus, Kate is older and looks more like a mother and also has worked with Radnor on Happythankyoumoreplease. But pick your poison here, both are deserving and both would have been great.



6) Rachel Weisz
The interesting thing that could involve Weisz is her odd resemblance to Robin. There could be a funny episode where they discuss how Ted just found a girl that looks like Robin to fill the void. It would have been appealing. Also, Weisz is very attractive and can play the role of a mother. There definitely wouldn't be any issue establishing her character traits, as she easily could pass as a musician. I don't see many problems with Weisz, besides that she may look TOO old for the group.



5) Brittany Snow
Until Pitch Perfect, I would have never considered her for this list. But in that movie, she proved she can be odd, funny and different from her past roles. In theory, she would never work, as she just signed on to do a show for Fox. But I'm free to wonder what she would have been like as Ted's wife. A problem with Snow would be that she doesn't look like a mother. Not that she's too young, it's just that she's at a point in her career where she's still playing high school and college students, which is too young to be the mother. I think she would have gotten along with Lily perfectly, and I could see a storyline involving the tension between her and Robin. Which of course would then build up to a beautiful moment where Robin and Snow would have to work together and bond. Sidebar, 'Robin and Snow' sounds like a Disney film that never got made. Get on that.



4) Missy Peregrym
I'm never too big a fan of when actresses do more than one TV show at the same time, but this is too perfect of a fit. She's gorgeous, she kicks ass. She's Canadian so the writers can have some fun with that. She is fantastic in Rookie Blue, and she also was fantastic in what most people know her from, which is the film Stick It. She also appeared in a few episodes of Heroes, you know, back when Heroes was awesome and still existed. I'm a huge fan and I think she'd be perfect as Ted's wife. Her humor would make all of the jokes hit that are written for her. She would fit in the group extremely well. She would be able to party with Barney and Robin for sure. She's definitely not boring, like Milioti seems to be. At this point in the list, I would be overjoyed with these top 4 actresses.


3) Emma Stone
First and foremost she'd need to dye her hair to be a brunette, reflecting her appearance in Zombieland. Emma Stone's personality fits the mold of the group. She easily could play along to the sexual jokes and keep up with Robin and Barney. She would be hilarious, and most of all she'd be a good fit for Ted. The problem here is getting Emma Stone attached to a sitcom like this. Granted, Jason Segal would still be the biggest star on the show, and a theory I have about why they went with a no name for the mother is due to the fact that Season 9 of How I Met Your Mother almost didn't exist due to funding. Segal and the cast demanded more money as well as the fact that it'd be more time they would give up, taking away from Segal's film projects. I could see this being a problem with Stone, but of course this whole blog is hypothetical anyways. Stone's personality makes her a perfect match not just for Ted, but for the show.



2) Isla Fisher
I'll admit, in theory it seems like this choice makes zero sense. But she is quirky and cute, but also sexy. If Ted married Isla Fisher, she definitely would be the sexiest girl Ted ever dated. It would be good for Lily, too, adding another redhead to the group. I think my choice of Fisher is impacted mostly by her character in the film Definitely, Maybe. If I had to hand pick any character from any show, or film,  for Ted to marry, it'd be April played by Fisher in Definitely, Maybe. The problem is, it's a fictional character. Not who she is. Which is one of the only reasons why Fisher is not in the top spot. An argument that was presented to me by a friend of mine when I proposed Fisher as a casting choice, was that she's too old. Well fun fact here: Isla Fisher is younger than Josh Radnor. So that argument's out. Her humor that she shows in the film Wedding Crashers reminds me a lot of Lily's humor and she would add an interesting dynamic to the group. Oh, and she'd be good for Ted too, which is kind of the whole point here.



1) Anna Kendrick 
She's awesome. There's no getting around that. She's a much cuter, prettier version of Cristin Milioti. She's also experienced in acting and wouldn't trip up the plot points like I'm afraid Milioti will. She just got done shooting a ton of films and more than likely has a few open weeks on her plate right now. I don't know when they're planning on shooting, but I'm sure if Kendrick was available they would've loved to have her on set. She is very diverse and can do a bunch of different kind of acting. If I were to hand pick one of her roles to be the character of the mother, it'd be her role as the psychiatrist in 50/50. Quirky, cute, and would make Ted's past girlfriends jealous. Which certainly is the goal. She's beautiful and adorable, but she can party, too. She has an edge to her and she's hilarious. I cannot endorse Kendrick enough. She would've been fantastic. Any of these actresses would've been. 


You can follow Will Harmon on Twitter at @willharmon8